Are All Vedic Statements Absolute?
As mentioned earlier, every existent object (vastu) has its own inseparable function (dharma). When an object is in its natural environment, it manifests its inherent qualities and performs functions that correspond to its true nature. This is called nitya-dharma. When an object falls into unnatural conditions, its functions also change. This is called naimittika-dharma.
The natural function of a living being is to serve God, but upon entering the material world, its function changes as it assumes various roles. These roles are defined by various designations, such as man, woman, Hindu, Christian, Lithuanian, Russian, and so on.
As conditioned souls cannot exist without such designations, the Vedas describe various dharmas tailored to the soul's bodily identity. Since bodies are constantly changing, these dharmas are not considered eternal or immutable. The Vedas provide two types of instructions: eternal and circumstantial. Circumstantial instructions depend on the body, social and spiritual position, time, tradition, and the prevailing culture. Therefore, while we should accept eternal Vedic instructions without hesitation, we must approach circumstantial instructions with discernment. Krishna Himself warns Arjuna not to be misled by the flowery promises of the Vedas that lead merely to heavenly rewards. Chaitanya Mahāprabhu even set aside the varnasrama model as the primary means of satisfying Vishnu.
We should be equally cautious in our acceptance of Vedic instructions describing the societal roles of men and women, as these too are temporary designations. They are particularly sensitive to the cultural climate; what applied thousands of years ago may not be as easily applicable today. For instance, the Vedas often characterize women as having less intelligence or being unable to care for themselves. If this were an absolute, eternal truth, we would find that no woman could provide for herself and all were of limited intellect. Since we observe the exact opposite, we can understand that such statements are not universal. The explanation is straightforward: in ancient India, women typically did not receive a formal education, focusing instead on the home and children. Since intelligence is developed through education, in modern times—where many women reach higher educational levels than men—we see that they are often more intelligent and perfectly capable of self-reliance.
The Nature of the Soul
Discarding material designations and examining the nature of the soul, which is presented in the eternal Vedic instructions, we will notice that the nature of the living being is feminine. This by no means implies that in the spiritual world everyone is a woman. It means that all jivas are Krishna's superior energy – para prakriti, i.e., of the feminine gender. Although the spiritual world is full of men – Nanda Maharaja, Krishna's cowherd boy friends – they are all connected to Krishna by a relationship based on rati – the attraction a woman feels for a man. All transcendental rasas are permeated by this existential love for Krishna, which is of a feminine nature. Essentially, Krishna is the only male, and all living beings are only Krishna's feminine side, destined to provide Him with joy.
For great fans of masculinity, we can add that Krishna's best servants are the gopis, women, among whom the best is Radha. In the Krishna consciousness movement, every devotee strives to develop precisely that mood of service which Sri Radha possesses. Even Krishna Himself bows to His energy, Radha. The goddess of fortune, Lakshmi, is also a woman.
Gender and Spiritual Potential
"Women themselves must transcend the bodily concept of life and free themselves from the worldly, social, and sexual rat race. And of course, men also have to elevate their consciousness. Spiritual consciousness begins with the realization that one is not a material body, but an eternal spiritual soul, and designations such as 'man' and 'woman' refer only to the material body. Thus, ultimately, they have nothing to do with the soul or its essence." (Sitarani, 1982:11–2)
For women, given the social and cultural conditions of both East and West, it is often more natural to practice the mood of service and devotion—though this mood is recommended for everyone. However, for many men (and some women), it is difficult to surrender to a spiritual master. In the history of ISKCON, there have been many struggles regarding the necessity of serving God through His representative—the guru. For many women, however, accepting this philosophical aspect and its practical implications was not difficult at all. Naturally, for those women who seek to love Krishna, the idea of humble submission may initially seem suspect, as it recalls the very oppression from which intelligent women seek to be free. However, it is vital to note the profound difference between material submission, which leads to exploitation, and spiritual submission, which leads to liberation.
The Masculine and Feminine Principle
In Western Philosophy and Worldview
The Problem of Separateness and Attempts to Solve It
Erich Fromm, in his book "The Art of Loving," speaks about the greatest problem of humanity, which is also related to the problem of gender:
"Man is gifted with reason; he is life being aware of itself; he has awareness of himself, of his fellow man, of his past and of the possibilities of his future. This awareness of himself as a separate entity, the awareness of his own short life span, of the fact that without his will he is born and against his will he dies, that he will die before those whom he loves, or they before him, the awareness of his aloneness and separateness, of his helplessness before the forces of nature and of society, all this makes his separate, disunited existence an unbearable prison. He would become insane could he not liberate himself from this prison and reach out, unite himself in some form or other with men, with the world outside.
The experience of separateness arouses anxiety; it is, indeed, the source of all anxiety. Being separate means being cut off, without any capacity to use my human powers. Hence to be separate means to be helpless, unable to grasp the world – things and people – actively; it means that the world can invade me without my ability to react. Thus, separateness is the source of intense anxiety. Beyond that, it arouses shame and the feeling of guilt. This experience of guilt and shame in separateness is expressed in the Biblical story of Adam and Eve. After Adam and Eve have eaten of the 'Tree of Knowledge of good and evil,' after they have disobeyed (there is no good and evil unless there is freedom to disobey), after they have become human by having emerged from the original animal harmony with nature, i.e., after their birth as human beings – they saw 'that they were naked – and they were ashamed.' Should we assume that a myth as old and elementary as this has the prudishness of the nineteenth-century moral outlook, and that the important point the story wants to convey to us is the embarrassment that their genitals were visible? This can hardly be so, and by understanding the story in a Victorian spirit, we miss the main point, which seems to be: after man and woman had become aware of themselves and of each other separately, they were aware of their separateness, and of their difference, inasmuch as they belonged to different sexes. But while recognizing their separateness they remained strangers, because they had not yet learned to love each other (as is also very clear from the fact that Adam defends himself by blaming Eve, rather than by trying to defend her).
The awareness of human separation, without reunion by love – is the source of shame. It is at the same time the source of guilt and anxiety.
The deepest need of man, then, is the need to overcome his separateness, to leave the prison of his aloneness. The absolute failure to achieve this aim means insanity, because the panic of complete isolation can be overcome only by such a radical withdrawal from the world outside that the feeling of separation disappears because the world outside, from which one is separated, has disappeared.
Man – of all ages and cultures – is confronted with the solution of one and the same question: the question of how to overcome separateness, how to achieve union, how to transcend one's own individual life and find atone-ness. The question is the same for the primitive man living in caves, for the nomad tending his flocks, for the Egyptian peasant, the Phoenician trader, the Roman soldier, the medieval monk, the Japanese samurai, the modern clerk and factory hand. The question is the same, for it springs from the same ground: the human situation, the conditions of human existence. The answers vary. The question can be answered by animal worship, by human sacrifice or military conquest, by indulgence in luxury, by ascetic renunciation, by obsessional work, by artistic creation, by the love of God, and by the love of Man. While there are many answers – the record of which is human history – they are nevertheless not innumerable. On the contrary, as soon as one ignores the smaller differences which belong to the periphery rather than to the core, one discovers that there is only a limited number of answers which have been given, and only could have been given by man in the various cultures in which he has lived.
The history of religion and philosophy is the history of these answers, varying as they are in their diversity as well as in their number."
The Concept of the Person
Gender and Sexuality
Antanas Paškus, a professor of psychology, describes sexuality as follows:
Psychological sexuality is the manifestation of gender in the psyche. We could say that psychological sexuality is "sexualized" consciousness. This sexuality includes three closely related elements: core gender identity, gender role identity, and psychosexual orientation or inclination. All these elements are acquired through experience, although their roots go down into human nature itself or, biologically speaking, into the genes.
Core gender identity is the individual's conviction: "I am a man," "I am a woman." Such "self-determination" begins to crystallize in the second year of life. Then, around the 18th month, it is said, the psychological birth of the child begins – the separation from symbiotic ties with the mother. The child transitions from the initial symbiotic, blissful fusion with the mother to the sense of its own "I." However, at the age of one and a half, the separation is not yet complete. There is still a conflict, a clash of opposing needs: the need to differentiate and the need to remain in unity with the mother. By the age of three, the conflict usually ends with a clear individuality. Thus, in the third year of life, core gender identity emerges. True, subsequent events in the child's life may cause doubts about its gender identity.
Gender role identity is somewhat different from core gender identity. It is the conviction that "I am masculine" or "I am feminine." The individual gradually becomes convinced that he or she meets the gender role norms prevailing in the environment. Or he or she feels that in this respect, they disappoint the expectations of the environment. This gender identity can vary quite widely without damaging either the essential-central gender identity or the directionality of sexual orientation. After all, "masculinity" or "femininity" can be different in different cultures and environments.
In short, gender role identity is the changing appropriation (adoption) of a sex role accepted in a certain environment (e.g., the family). In one environment, the same behavior may be considered masculine, in another – feminine. Undoubtedly, the stereotypical view of gender roles fostered and continues to foster caricatures of masculinity and femininity. However, a society that fully guarantees differences in gender roles distorts secondary complementary gender traits. "A unisexual (unisex) view obscures gender differences and makes it difficult for both sexes to form a clear gender role identity," emphasizes Professor Jeffrey Keefe.
Finally, the third component of psychosexuality is sexual orientation – the erotic attraction to the opposite sex, the same sex, or both sexes. This element determines whether a person is heterosexual or homosexual. Some experts on gender identity believe that, for example, the roots of homosexual attraction go back to the second and third years of life, when during the time of individualization, the mother-child relationship was disturbed.
In the Indian Vedas
A verse from Srimad-Bhagavatam (6.18.30) describes why Brahma created women:
vilokyaikānta-bhūtāni
bhūtāny ādau prajāpatiḥ
striyaṁ cakre sva-dehārdhaṁ
yayā puṁsāṁ matir hṛtā
At the beginning of creation, Lord Brahma, the father of all living entities in the universe, saw that all living beings were detached. In order to increase the population, he created woman from the better half of the male body, because her behavior captivates the intelligence of the man.
However, Brahma is not an inventor. He did not invent woman to mislead living beings. Rather, he applied a principle that lies at the foundation of the entire world's structure and which also permeates the spiritual world: the masculine and feminine principle. The Absolute Truth is described in the Vedas as the eternal union of the First Man, Krishna, and the First Woman, Radha. They are one being, but in order to experience rasa – transcendental mellow – They have divided themselves into two Persons from time immemorial.
In itself, the division into men and women is not bad, as this distinction also exists in the spiritual world. In this world, the incorrectly used masculine and feminine principle has become the cause of bondage and illusion for the living entities.
In all spiritual cultures, we can find symbols indicating the harmony between the masculine and feminine principles. We emphasize that these two principles are equal to each other, and if either of them is diminished, harmony is disturbed.
"Brahma-samhita" states that the entire cosmos arose as a game of love involving the Supreme Lords of the spiritual and material worlds. Lord Vishnu, immersed in love games with the goddess Rama, His internal energy, casts His glance upon material nature. His glance is the symbol of masculinity – the great Father of the world – Sambhu, while material nature is the beginning from which all beings are born – the mother's womb. Krishna is the father, prakriti is the mother.
The verse from Srimad-Bhagavatam (6.18.30) cited above does not indicate that the first beings were men. Rather, the jiva is of a feminine nature, but having desired to become a purusha – an enjoyer – it imperceptibly assumed the guise of a man. Such a "man" needs a woman, and therefore, from time immemorial, jivas have been changing their position from one to another. A woman attached to a man receives a man's body in the next life, and vice versa.
Are Women Equal to Men?
The previous verse suggests that a woman's nature is to captivate a man's mind. For centuries, it has often been assumed that Hinduism views women as being of an inferior nature and unsuited for spiritual practice. Such an opinion betrays a complete ignorance of the Vedic teachings on this matter.
Naturally, the nature of men and women is completely different. Their bodies and psyches differ. This forms different duties for man and woman. A man's duties are formed by the principles of varnashrama, that is, belonging to a corresponding social or spiritual stratum. Since a woman, due to her constitution, is usually unable (or at least was) to establish herself in society and independently seek the goal of life, the Vedas do not offer women separate duties within the varnashrama system. A woman's caste is determined by the position of her parents or husband. Of course, there were certain rules that prohibited men from marrying a wife from a higher caste (pratiloma). However, no one ever said, and no one says now, "woman brahmana," "woman kshatriya," "woman vaishya," because a woman herself never engages in these things. It's always said: the wife of a brahmana, the wife of a kshatriya, the wife of a vaishya. But this doesn't mean all women are the same. A woman raised in a brahmana's family would have brahminical qualities, a tendency toward cleanliness and study. Such a woman was a good helper to her husband performing various rituals. A woman of brahminical qualities could worship the Deities in her own home. Accordingly, the daughter of a kshatriya, having kshatriya qualities, would help her husband manage the household affairs. Such was Draupadi, the wife of the Pandavas, who managed all the financial and administrative matters of a huge palace. The daughter of a vaishya was capable of looking after cows, making butter and yogurt, etc. But in general, all these duties were related to the home, not to society.
From a Western perspective, this may sound disparaging, as if women have no intrinsic value outside of domestic roles. However, this is a narrow view of an exploitative society. In reality, women are often most devalued in the Western world, where they are compelled to follow models of behavior devised by men, for men. In such systems, women are often seen not as having inherent value, but as instruments for satisfaction. Even within spiritual circles, some individuals—disappointed by past relationships—carry these disparaging concepts into ISKCON, selectively using quotes from Srila Prabhupāda's books to support their biases.
Srimad-Bhagavatam (7.12.9) says: "Woman is compared to fire, and man is compared to a pot of butter. Therefore, in a secluded place, a man should avoid associating even with his own daughter. Similarly, he should avoid associating with other women. One should associate with women only for important business and not otherwise."
This phrase is very true, but in reality, we are forced to live or be near each other. Especially in the family. Therefore, in fact, we need to learn the art of how to keep butter near the fire and not let it melt. This is especially useful in the family.
It is often said that a woman is Maya to a man. But Prabhupāda often says the reverse as well—that to a woman, a man is Maya, an illusion.
Modern feminists often argue for equality through the opportunity to pursue the same careers as men. Yet, in a competitive career world, women often find themselves disadvantaged and are forced to demand specific protections to ensure they are not crushed by the same ruthless struggle for existence that men inflict upon each other.
This approach often stems from the historical reality of exploitation and a genuine need for respect. However, the Vedic view is that the duties of men and women are fundamentally different; thus, measuring equality solely by identical performance is misplaced.
In fact, the duties of man and woman are completely different, therefore speaking about equality in performing duties is foolish. A man's duty is to care for the welfare of society in the varnashrama system, to care for the welfare of the family, and to care for his wife. A man's duty is to satisfy his wife so that she feels secure, loved, and has enough jewelry and fine clothing. In this way, the woman doesn't need to struggle and worry about all this. The ideal husband is one who can always satisfy his woman. It is said that satisfying a woman is harder than satisfying Krishna, but it must be done. Even Lord Ramachandra, the ideal husband, always fulfilled all of Sita's desires, without even asking why it was necessary.
A woman's importance, on the other hand, is to protect the morality of society. In BG 1.40, Arjuna says:
When irreligion is prominent in the family, O Krishna, the women of the family become polluted. When womanhood is degraded, O descendant of Vrsni, unwanted progeny comes into the world.
In the purport, Prabhupāda says that "the chastity and faithfulness of womanhood are the foundation for the morality of society."
A woman should never behave toward men in a provocative manner, even if it seems like an innocent game to her. This especially applies to unmarried girls. In such a case, they risk attracting men who are by no means ideal. An ideal man will first of all look for a chaste and modest wife, rather than one who is inclined to associate with all men.
Alone or with a Family?
Prabhupāda said that every girl in our movement should get married. This, of course, does not mean that every girl must get married, even if she does not want to. If a girl is able to focus all her attention on Krishna, it may be possible for her to remain a brahmacharini. Usually, a woman's body entails certain difficulties that make it hard for women to progress spiritually independently. It is difficult for women to become a vanaprastha or sannyasini. Therefore, in Vedic society, the stages of renunciation did not exist for women, but of course, some women (such as Gangamata Gosvamini, Jahnava Devi) were so exalted that they lived like sannyasis. Prabhupāda allowed girls in ISKCON to become brahmacharinis, but they themselves must understand that such a status has little perspective for women, except for truly saintly persons. Therefore, a woman's duties are inseparable from the family. When the husband accepts vanaprastha, the wife should follow him, live with him in the forest, and practice austerity, completely refraining from the desire for decoration or attracting the husband's attention. When the husband becomes a sannyasi, his wife also becomes a kind of sannyasini, i.e., she becomes a widow and can no longer seek relationships with other men. Such women do not go into the forest; they stay at home and dedicate all their time to bhakti-yoga. Then the community and the temple take care of her. This is not a restriction for women; these are recommendations for women seeking spiritual progress. When Chaitanya Mahāprabhu accepted sannyasa, His wife Vishnupriya Devi also engaged in austerity. She would chant the mantra on prayer beads, and after completing one round, she would set aside a grain of rice. Whatever amount of rice was collected during the day, that is what she would cook and eat.
The Ideal Woman
A materialistic society often erodes all ideals. Women today frequently feel a sense of regret or even resentment regarding their nature. Unfortunately, this can also occur within the spiritual movement. When women do not find proper guidance or protection, they may feel overshadowed by men who prioritize dominance over care. Despite these challenges, the Vedic ideal of womanhood remains a source of strength. Rather than feeling limited by her gender, a woman can find herself dignified by the qualities described in the Bhagavad-gita.
Krishna mentions the natural qualities of a woman in BG 10.34: "Among women I am fame, fortune, fine speech, memory, intelligence, steadfastness and patience." A woman possessing these qualities will never be a disgrace to her family. In fact, such a woman will be able to exalt her family and her husband. It has long been observed that women can provide these qualities to men who naturally lack them.
Further qualities may seem unacceptable to women who are disparaged by men, but imagine a situation where a husband loves his wife and sincerely cares for her—what woman will not want to reciprocate with love and service? When speaking about the relationship between husband and wife, the first requirement is for the husband: to love and care for his wife. Then there is the requirement for the woman: to love and serve her husband. Often men skip the first requirement and jump straight to the second.
Srimad-Bhagavatam (7.11.25) says: to serve her husband, to be always favorably disposed toward her husband, to treat the husband's relatives and friends equally well, and to follow the husband's vows—these are the four principles of a virtuous wife.
"Although a woman's body is a sign of less intelligence, by faithfully serving her husband she becomes his good intelligence." "There is no difference between a good wife and good intelligence" (Purport to SB 4.26.16).
It is very important for a wife to follow her husband's vows. This means that the wife should approve of her husband's spiritual life and support him, rather than hindering him in every possible way. Chanakya Pandita says that wherever there is no mutual conflict and anger between husband and wife, the goddess of fortune comes to that home automatically.
In a sense, the success of the entire varnashrama institution depends on women. Where women lose their virtue, varna-sankara (unwanted progeny) is born. Where varna-sankara prevails, there is no talk of varnashrama. In such a society, no one will distinguish a brahmana from a shudra.
Woman's Caste
Sometimes in Vedic literature, women are classified in the category of vaishyas and shudras (BG 9.32). However, the Vedas provide many examples of women who demonstrated the qualities of higher classes (Devahuti, Sati, Gandhari), so an explanation is needed here. Neither the position of a woman nor a shudra is a degradation for a living being. The jiva simply finds itself in the position that best suits it. A shudra can be very qualified and serve a brahmana during sacrificial offerings. He can also be a good warrior or farmer. And most importantly, a shudra can also be a sadhu – a saint. King Dasharatha (the father of Lord Ramachandra) was cursed in his youth when he killed a shudra's son during a hunt. This shudra was considered a saint by everyone around him, and King Dasharatha begged for his forgiveness.
The main quality of the shudra class is dependence on others. Similarly, the shastras say that a woman must always be protected by her parents, husband, or her elder sons. This does not mean that this protection is vital for her, but all the beauty of her nature and her good qualities are revealed precisely in such a position. The fact that women can live independently has already been proven. But no one has proven that they have become happier.
Of course, an intelligent woman is not obliged to serve or obey a husband who is foolish. The Vedas did not allow a girl of a higher class to marry a man of a lower class, so that he would not pull her down. Every woman needs an ideal she can serve, rather than a man who, being capable of nothing (neither spiritually nor materially), demands his wife's obedience. If a woman, upon coming to Krishna Consciousness, already has a materialistic husband, she is not obliged to leave him, but neither is she obliged to fully obey him and satisfy his sinful whims. Following Vedic rules, she should intelligently serve such a husband, without rejecting him and by pleasing him, become his spiritual guide.
Duties of a Married Woman
The duties of a woman described in the scriptures are intended for an ideal case: the husband is ideal, he loves and cares for his wife and children. He performs his duties in society and is a spiritual guide to his wife. In a non-ideal case, these rules must be applied according to time, place, and circumstance. However, one should also consider the observation that when one member of the family is insensitive or imperfect, reciprocal coldness and even revenge hardly improve the situation. More often, Lord Chaitanya's principle helps: "to be more tolerant than a tree and humbler than the straw in the street, to not expect respect for oneself but to offer respect to everyone."
SB 7.11.26–27 defines the duties of a woman as follows:
A virtuous woman should dress beautifully and decorate herself with golden jewelry for her husband's pleasure. Always wearing clean and attractive clothes, a woman should sweep and clean the house with water and other liquids so that the house is always clean. She should arrange her husband's things and scent the house with incense and flowers. She should be prepared to fulfill her husband's desires. Being virtuous and honest, controlling her senses, and speaking gentle words, a faithful wife should serve her husband with love, according to time and circumstance.
A faithful woman should not be greedy. She should be satisfied in all circumstances. She should expertly manage household affairs and should know the principles of religion well. She must speak pleasantly and truthfully, should be attentive, and always clean and pure. In this way, a wife should with affection serve a husband who is not fallen.
This verse says that a woman should serve a husband who is himself a Vaishnava. In this way, serving him is not a degradation for the woman. Quite the contrary, service to the Lord's devotee is considered the highest method of worshiping God. Such a woman, following Lakshmi's example and serving her husband, will undoubtedly return home, back to Godhead, and live happily with her devotee husband on the Vaikuntha planet (SB 7.11.29).
The Most Important Duty of a Woman:
is to assist her husband as much as possible so that he succeeds in his noble endeavors. This duty manifests in many ways, depending on the husband's service. Srila Prabhupāda often encouraged his female disciples to help their husbands establish preaching centers, write articles, and so on. A classic example is Rukmini Devi, who expertly drove the chariot as Krishna warded off the attack of the princes who opposed Him. Such service requires great skill. In the Krishna consciousness movement, the primary duty of every married woman is to support her husband in spreading the message of Godhead. If the husband lacks inspiration, a devoted wife can become his source of encouragement.
A brahminical wife should satisfy the basic needs of life and not demand that her husband satisfy her ever-increasing desires, lest he forget devotional service.
Not all duties are applicable to all women. Various duties described in the scriptures, such as sewing or weaving or cow care or churning butter, may be impractical today, or suited to women of a vaishya nature, but these are activities suited to a woman's nature. Women should be raised from childhood in such a way that they find joy in duty, rather than meddling in politics, economics, or cheap adventures.
"For a girl to get married in Krishna Consciousness does not mean she must give up practical devotional service in the temple or sankirtana. But she should also see that household affairs are not neglected." (Prabhupāda)
In the book "Krishna," Chapter 29, Krishna speaks to the gopis:
"Furthermore, I should add that for a virtuous woman, the best religious principle is to serve her husband without hypocrisy. A woman must not only be virtuous and faithful to her husband, but she must also behave kindly toward his friends, listen to his father and mother, and love his younger brothers. Most importantly, a woman must take care of her children."
"If, after leaving her current body, a woman truly wants to ascend to the higher planets, she must not abandon her husband, even if he is of a bad disposition, poor, a failure, or old and crippled by diseases."
A man's glory is revealed when he perfectly performs his duties within the varnashrama system. Similarly, a woman's glory is manifest when she perfectly performs her duties within the family. In this way, both are truly glorious. A perfect example is Gandhari, the wife of King Dhritarashtra, who, in order to avoid feeling superior to her blind husband, chose to wear a blindfold for the rest of her life. The Krishna Consciousness movement makes no absolute discrimination between men and women; everyone possesses equal opportunities for spiritual evolution. Therefore, it is the duty of men—as traditional protectors—to help women progress. One who realizes he cannot maintain celibacy should enter married life and, with full responsibility, assist his wife in her dvasinė/spiritual progress.
Respect for Women
If men believe that women are of an inferior category, lack sufficient intelligence, or do not deserve respect and care, they are themselves in an ignorant state. Instead of respecting all women as their own mothers (mātṛvat para-dāreṣu), such men behave selfishly and ultimately hinder their own spiritual advancement.
SB 6.19.18 says:
kṛtam ekatareṇāpi
dampatyor ubhayor api
patnyāṁ kuryād anarhāyāṁ
patir etat samāhitaḥ
"Between husband and wife, it is enough for one person to perform devotional service. Thanks to their good relationship, both will enjoy the same result. Therefore, if the wife is unable to perform this process, the husband should do it very carefully, and his devoted wife will share the result with him."
One aphorism states:
"A wise woman makes her husband a king, and thus becomes the happiest queen of that king."
Perhaps this aphorism should not be taken literally, but it shows that a woman, by serving an unselfish and dutiful husband, doesn't lose glory but actually achieves it.
The following quotes from Manu-samhita show how women are exalted in Vedic culture:
III.55 Women must be honored and adorned by their fathers, brothers, husbands and brothers-in-law, who desire their own welfare.
III.56 Where women are honored, the demigods are always pleased. But where they are not honored, no sacred ritual yields any result.
III.57 That family in which female relations live in grief soon perishes; but that family in which they are not unhappy ever prospers.
III.58 The houses on which female relations, not being duly honored, pronounce a curse, perish completely, as if destroyed by magic.
ISKCON's View on Women
Equality and Etiquette
Differences between men and women must never be used as a justification for exploitation or humiliation. Particularly within ISKCON communities, both sexes must have equal opportunities and standard facilities for living. However, spiritual equality should not be misused as a basis for unrestrained association—proper etiquette must be maintained.
Prasadam and Care
Prasadam in the temple should be distributed concurrently to both men and women. There is no obligation for women to wait until men have finished. In Vedic culture, it is tradition to prioritize the care of women and children.
Address and Respect
The tendency to call men "prabhu" (master) and women "mataji" (mother) indicates respect, not superiority. A higher position depends not on gender, but on spiritual level.
Rights and Facilities
Women have the same rights to temple life, medical care, and facilities (e.g., warm water) as men.
Respectful Passage
If men are standing in a path where a woman is walking, they should step aside and let her pass (not forcing her to go around). A wiser man should create an opportunity to pass.
Interaction Boundaries
Men should not joke with women or engage in loose talk. Only conversations regarding devotional service are encouraged.
Respect for Leaders
If a woman is a leader (president, commander), everyone must show her appropriate respect. Disrespectful behavior solely because of gender should not be tolerated.
Ethics for Preachers
No guru or preacher should speak disparagingly about women. They must maintain a spirit of mutual respect.
Srila Prabhupāda's letter to Gargamuni (69.10.18):
"The most attractive feature of Maya is women and money. We, Krishna conscious men, in the course of our preaching have to associate with women and money, and the only preventive measure to save ourselves is not to accept them for our own sense gratification. Then we shall remain strong enough. Materialistic persons accept everything for sense gratification, and Krishna conscious persons use everything for the satisfaction of Krishna. Things themselves, like women and money, are not wrong, but they become faulty by being used wrongly. Improper use is to accept them for sense gratification."
Self-Check Questions
- Discuss the fundamental rules governing the interaction between men and women in Vedic culture.
- What roles are traditionally assigned to men and women within the Vedic social framework?
- How can one harmonize the principles of spiritual equality with the realities of material differentiation and the need for mutual respect?
- Do men and women have equal opportunities for spiritual advancement?