Bhagavad-gītā 3.21
yad yad ācarati śreṣṭhas
tat tad evetaro janaḥ
sa yat pramāṇaṁ kurute
lokas tad anuvartate
"Whatever action a great man performs, common men follow. And whatever standards he sets by exemplary acts, all the world pursues."
It is no secret that holy people or people practicing a spiritual path are always in the center of attention of ordinary people. Although ordinary people do not always follow the example of saints, they demand that saints set such an example. This is a great responsibility also for ISKCON devotees.
What is Vaishnava Etiquette?
Prabhupāda said that a Vaishnava is a true gentleman. We call a gentleman a person who possesses good qualities, is kind and helpful to others. He always gives precedence to others and demands no attention for himself.
Prabhupāda said that a Vaishnava is a true gentleman. A gentleman always gives precedence to others and demands no attention for himself. He always sacrifices his own interests for the sake of others. We see that all these qualities can be possessed only by one who has already conquered his ego and does not seek sense gratification. A true gentleman is equal to everyone because he sees everyone as spiritual souls and sees the Supersoul in all beings. A materialist, however polite he may be, does it all for sense gratification (subtle or gross). A true Vaishnava sees everyone as servants of Krishna, and himself as the servant of all.
Importance of Etiquette
"Since no one can be successful without sadācāra or etiquette, every action should be performed according to proper etiquette." The heart of a saintly person is not contaminated. The way a saintly person acts is known as proper etiquette – "sadācāra".
"If one reads the six chapters of the Vedas without practicing proper etiquette, he does not become pure. Just as a bird flies out of the nest as soon as its wings grow, so the Vedas leave him at the time of death."
"Although one may have acquired knowledge of all the Vedas, if he does not practice proper etiquette or does not become a Vaishnava, then all his acquired knowledge will be lost at the time of death."
Proper etiquette increases fame, wealth, longevity and destroys all inauspiciousness. O King, proper etiquette awards the results of dharma, artha and kāma. Therefore, a wise person very carefully follows the proper etiquette described in the scriptures.
Caitanya Mahāprabhu told Sri Sanatana Goswami that the characteristic of a devotee is to follow and protect Vaishnava etiquette. Following such etiquette is the ornament of a Vaishnava. Therefore, the consciousness of a devotee is manifested by his actions. When asked "How do you recognize a Vaishnava?", Srila Prabhupāda answered: "He is a perfect gentleman".
Etiquette and Preaching
Vaishnavas are special people, therefore a special code applies in relationships with them. A person who wants to advance spiritually must know how to behave. In Krishna Consciousness we advance by showing respect to proper personalities (Sadhu, Guru, Shastra). We must be afraid of aparadhas (offenses).
Prabhupāda's reputation also depends on our behavior. People, seeing the ideal character of a Vaishnava, are themselves inspired to follow the principles of Krishna consciousness. Thus the natural qualities of a Vaishnava are already preaching. On the other hand, preaching without showing personal example has no value. Mostly it becomes money chasing, dishonest book distribution and cheating people – in this way the name of Krishna consciousness is discredited.
Sanatana Goswami said to Haridasa Thakura:
āpane ācare keha, nā kare pracāra
pracāra karena keha, nā karena ācāra
'ācāra', 'pracāra', -- nāmera karaha 'dui' kārya
tumi -- sarva-guru, tumi jagatera ārya
"Some behave very well but do not preach the cult of Kṛṣṇa consciousness, whereas others preach but do not behave properly. You simultaneously perform both duties in relation to the holy name by your personal behavior and by your preaching. Therefore you are the spiritual master of the entire world, for you are the most advanced devotee in the world."
How to Apologize?
Devotees cannot quarrel among themselves. They cannot insult each other. If we failed to control our anger and poured it on another devotee, we must immediately fall at his feet and ask for forgiveness.
To apologize to devotees for unconscious offenses we commit every day, every morning we must offer respectful obeisances to all Vaishnavas saying the mantra:
vāñchā-kalpatarubhyaś ca
kṛpā-sindhubhya eva ca
patitānāṁ pāvanebhyo
vaiṣṇavebhyo namo namaḥ
General Rules
Respect and Association
- Addressing: Devotees must address each other as Prabhu – "master". However, one should not become Prabhu oneself, one must remain a servant. Women must be shown all respect, especially if she is a Vaishnavi – she should be addressed as mātājī – mother.
- Familiarity: We should never allow familiarity to penetrate into relationships between devotees. Relationships must be based on respect.
- Help: If a devotee suffers from physical illness or family relationships, one must help him in word and deed. The bond between devotees will be tested during difficult times for them.
- Devotees who left: If a devotee has left devotional service and has not associated for a long time, one should not point out to him that he is in "Maya". Instead, one should meet him with love and friendship, and help him feel at home among devotees.
- Rupa Goswami's 6 principles: One should deal with devotees according to "Nectar of Instruction" verse 4: offering gifts, accepting gifts, revealing one's mind, inquiring confidentially, offering prasadam and accepting prasadam.
Prohibitions and Warnings
- Lying: A Vaishnava should never lie, even if it sounds pleasant.
- Stealing: He should never steal, even for Krishna. This can destroy the entire reputation of a Vaishnava. This also applies to stealing flowers for Deities.
- Swearing: A Vaishnava should not speak unpleasant words.
- Bad association: One must not associate with those who are envious, fallen, crazy, hostile, proud, cheaters, or have illicit connections with women. This will destroy spiritual life.
- Sitting: One must not stretch one's legs while sitting in front of one's seniors.
- Violence: Never hit others on the head or pull others by the hair.
- Respect for others: Do not insult women, and do not envy them. Do not spit into water or fire. Do not look at naked women or men.
- Conflicts: If you see senior devotees quarreling, do not take either side and do not get involved in the argument. It is difficult for an inexperienced devotee to understand that such arguments can also be pastimes of devotees.
Culture of Relationships
- Spiritual Master: Never try to instruct your spiritual master. Never think that he is wrong. If the master asks for the disciple's advice, it should be accepted as the master's mercy.
- Family: Do not quarrel with your wife (husband) and do not consider her of lower intelligence. In Krishna consciousness, family is meant to help each other advance.
- Disciplining: Do not scold anyone except your disciples and children. Do this to teach them, not out of anger.
- Reaction to insult: If someone insults you, leave that place silently.
- Praises: Do not praise yourself. If someone praises you, mentally chant your spiritual master's pranama mantra. Do not accept respect for yourself.
- Obeisances: If someone bows down to you, bow down to him in return. Do not allow anyone to touch your feet. If there is no way to avoid feet touching (as Prabhupāda wrote to Achyutananda), mentally offer respect to the acharya and with folded hands offer namaskar.
- Service: We serve our spiritual master by serving his disciples. We serve Srila Prabhupāda by serving all devotees.
Respect for Others and Guests
Social and Spiritual Differences
Proper respect is shown depending on age, varna, diksha, service and spiritual advancement.
- Among shudras, the most valuable is the one who is oldest.
- Among vaishyas, the most valuable is the one who has more money or cows.
- Among kshatriyas, the most valuable is the one who has greater strength.
- Among brahmanas, the one who has more knowledge is valued.
Among ashramas, brahmacari respects grihasthas (because most will become grihasthas). Grihastha respects vanaprastha, and vanaprastha – sannyasi. However, spiritual advancement is determined by renunciation from sense gratification and steadiness in service. Cleaning the temple is as valuable as Deity worship.
We must show respect not only to devotees, but also to others. ŚB 6.7.30 says:
Grihastha's Hospitality Traditions
Before starting to eat, a grihastha must go out to the street and invite any passerby or hungry person. He must feed him and only then can he eat himself. A guest is a special person. Lakshmi does not visit a house where doors are locked.
Unexpected guest (atithi) must be received as Krishna Himself. Vedic rules say to seat the guest in a respectful place, wash his feet, offer water and prasādam.
With innocent non-devotees we must deal by wishing them well, trying to enlighten them. However, we must avoid atheists and envious people, because preaching to them can become an offense.
Etiquette in the Temple
In the Krishna consciousness movement, first we show respect to Srila Prabhupāda. Upon entering we first bow down to him, then to the Deities.
Important Rule:
"According to rules and regulations, no one should accept obeisances in the temple of the Lord in front of the Deities. Also, it is inappropriate for devotees to bow down or touch the spiritual master's feet before the Deity. This is considered an offense." (Srila Prabhupāda)
After the spiritual master, greatest respect is shown to old devotees having second initiation, then to those having first initiation. Among initiated devotees, the one who was initiated earlier is considered senior. However, a devotee, whether with first or second initiation, should not think that he is superior to anyone.
Behavior in Public
Always remember that you represent Srila Prabhupāda. Srila Prabhupāda never made compromises with the Absolute Truth, but he was always a perfect gentleman.
While associating with people, we must sacrifice our false ego. We must train ourselves so that subtle interactions of the three modes of material nature do not become the object of our concerns and relationships. In public (and within oneself) devotees should not grieve or rejoice over material things.
One must always remember that everyone – including Krishna – is constantly watching you. Do not eat in public or sit in public places in a relaxed manner.
- Never lose self-control. Humility and patience always win over anger.
- Do not eat in public or sit in public places in a relaxed manner or discussing loosely.
- Our goal – to create a person with perfect character.
Relationships Between Devotees
Reflections of Giriraja Swami:
"Srila Prabhupāda wanted us all to act as preachers. When we meet a senior, we must be happy and want to serve him. When we meet someone equal to us, we must desire to establish strong friendship with him. And when we deal with those, who occupy a subordinate position, we must be merciful to such a person."
Śri Caitanya Mahāprabhu says:
tṛṇād api sunīcena
taror api sahiṣṇunā
amāninā mānadena
kīrtanīyaḥ sadā hariḥ
"One who thinks himself lower than the grass, who is more tolerant than a tree, and who does not expect personal honor but is always prepared to give all respect to others, can very easily always chant the holy name of the Lord."
Self-Check Questions
- What is Vaishnava etiquette and why is it important?
- How should one behave in the temple?
- How to show respect to devotees of different levels?